Why Loving Yourself Must Come First in Relationships


Many of us spend exuberant amounts of mental, physical, emotional and financial energy in our pursuit of achieving and sustaining long-lasting romantic relationships.

From day-dreaming of “the one,” consuming books, videos and articles on how to charm your “twin flame”, paying for online dating services and investing in cosmetics and apparel to lure and attract our prince or princess charming, the majority of us share this common thread of desire: we want love and we want it now.

We are tricked into believing that we should feel empty, undesirable or as if something is wrong with us if we live any extended period of our life being single.

We make the mistake going into relationships with the belief that someone else will resolve the feeling that something has been missing in our lives.

In no way am I saying the desire to meet someone compatible to our visions, dreams, values and pursuits to co-create our lives with is wrong.

To the contrary, I think a loving, supportive and accepting partnership that aids in our self-growth and development is one of the sweetest blessings to experience in this life.

I am simply saying that we shouldn’t accept misery and a sense of unrelenting attachment in our seeking.

Choose Yourself

When we look to a lover for feelings of security and affirmation, we actually deny ourselves the opportunity to gift those very things to ourselves.

Commit to yourself today.
Commit to waking up every morning and choosing you every single day.
Commit to accepting yourself radically and without condition.
Commit to seeing clearly your perfection and flawlessness in the very way you wish for a romantic partner to.

Ask yourself today:

  • What passions have you been neglecting?
  • In what ways could you better support your own growth of character?
  • What self-care practices have you read of but simply haven’t made the decision to incorporate into your life?
  • How can you love yourself better?

We attract what we are. We must become the very things we long for from a partner. 

Make Yourself Your Greatest Lover

Instead of trying to control and manipulate the flow of life, attempting to force romance to surface at your will, what if you chose to instead cultivate yourself to be your greatest lover?

Trust that somewhere out in the world, the person or people who you will share legendary and life-changing love with already exist and chances are, they’re longing and dreaming of meeting you too.

In due time, likely when you least expect it, this chance meeting will occur. When it does, you’ll be able to present yourself as the fascinating, passionate, adventure-living, independent badass that you are, because instead of being the lonesome princess locked away in the tower awaiting her savior, you’ll be the captain of your own life, living with intention, joy and purpose.

Love Yourself Where You’re At

What does it mean to commit to yourself?

It means to create and build a relationship with yourself where you realize you are complete and whole as you are right now.

That there’s no man, woman, job or circumstance that can happen to you that will make you more whole, because you already are.

This means you’re going to love yourself right where you are… not when you score your dream job or lose ten pounds, but right now, already in your perfection.

This means you can and will forgive yourself for your mistakes.

Through this, you will learn that you are a person you can count on. You will realize that you’re the person that will always be there for you, until the end.

And through this you are able to love others exactly where they are, because you have learned how to first do that for yourself.

This kind of love, without expectation, demands or condition, is a force that will not only liberate and set yourself free, but your future beloved too.

It is the kind of love that allows others to feel safe to be exactly who they are, granting permission to let down their guards and be embraced and adored just as they are.

“Marry yourself first. Promise never to leave you!” -Sark

 

 

4 comments

  • Noel Loxen

    I had no idea you also ran a blog Alyse! THIS IS SO POWERFUL and inspiring! I’m releasing my own ebook later this year about my journey through suicide and I’m starting a blog writing about “hot topics” that I love raising awareness for. I already had these passion projects in motion and seeing that you’ve created something very similar to what I am creating is such a comfort! Thank you for shining your light so bright so that others can shine bright too!!!

  • reilly becker

    Exactly what I needed to hear this morning. What are some practices you have incorporated into your life in order to teach yourself to love yourself?

  • Sofie-Marie

    Just what I needed right now. Things I already knew, but had to be reminded of. I recently put myself in a destructive situation where I didn’t listen to my heart, soul. It told me this person who deeply wanted me wasn’t good for me. Not until I felt the stinging in my heart, my strong self, my loving self, towards myself and others – collaps. Then I knew it was time to take a step back. Reconecting to my source. Rise above. Not let myself be manipulated into situations, out of guilt and anger. Love must come first. Always.

    Thank you so much for being you, Alyse. You truly are amazing. I love you.

    ~ Sofie-Marie

  • David

    Truer words have never been spoken. You must first love yourself and find happiness within yourself instead of relying on someone else for those feelings. A relationship should enhance each other’s experience in this physical world. Bring the vibration higher to allow love to flourish.

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